my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
