worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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