if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize