i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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