I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
