His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
