she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
