I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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