man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
