Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
