Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
