just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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