I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
