I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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