hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
