I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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