saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
