The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
