Your face is a jimmy john
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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