In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
