he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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