They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
