I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
