i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just pee around me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
