I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
