he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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