wat bout pragnant strippers??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
