goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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