I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have post one night stand depression
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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