I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
