You just made me feel so damn special
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am mentally ready for anal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
