This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
