I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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