so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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