I just pynch a tree in the face
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
