Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
