im drinking this country out of the recession.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
