Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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