Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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