I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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