I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
