At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
