No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
