He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
