i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
