I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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