i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
