have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You don't make any sense
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