He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
