I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
