so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
