i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
