the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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