I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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