i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
