TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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