there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
