i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
