I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
